if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
