Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
