THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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