piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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