Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize