Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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