he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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