Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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