I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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