sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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