I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
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It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
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I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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