My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
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I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
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apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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