allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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