Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
