I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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