Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
