apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
it's great music for shaving your balls
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
