shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
