She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize