stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
