Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
