You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Boobs are out for the taking
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
