You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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