I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
