Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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