We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
