once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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