Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.