I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Randomize
