I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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