I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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