i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
