There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
