wanna go halves on a baby?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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