White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Life is so much better after having sex.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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