i think my tv is drunk
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
