bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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