Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
