i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
