You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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