I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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