tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm both gender and math confused
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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