1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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