Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
