When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
