Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Welp...herpes.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
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I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
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This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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