This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
