if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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