Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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