It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
