Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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