what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
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Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
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You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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