Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
