I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
