I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
