Apparently you make a good broom.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
