i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
