Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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