so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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