i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
