please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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