chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Randomize
