i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
