what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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