Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
