The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We need to get me chipped asap
Come on in and take your pants off
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