i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Your penis caused this!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
