I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
