I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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