just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
