My friends, they love my intelligence
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
