You were right. It hurts to walk today.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
