This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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