It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
