ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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