Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
