Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You pole danced in your parka.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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