I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
